An examination of the more superficial limitations of masculinity

This is my thoughts on an article from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/26/gender-roles-men-reddit_n_4504083.html

The article begins by saying this:
“For a long time, women have fought — and are still fighting — to overcome gender roles and expectations. However, it’s important to remember that rigid ideas about what men and women “should” or “shouldn’t” do isn’t just bad for women.
A Dec. 17th thread asked the men of Reddit, “What girly thing do you really want to do or try but it is socially unacceptable?” Responses ranged from cuddling etiquette (“Being the little spoon”) to fashion woes (“Toe socks”) and showing emotion (“Crying in public without getting judged”).
Here are 11 of our favorite answers”

And then proceeds to list these different things. I will be giving the quote, and then following it up with my own opinions on it.

1. Have more stylish clothing options. As bradleynowell252 pointed out, “Girls just get so many choices on nice things to wear and still look good, even in a casual manner.” It’s true that while women can wear “masculine” clothing free of judgment, the same can not be said for men in “feminine” clothing. “Also, fancy hats. It’s a shame that only women get to have awesome adornments in their headwear without any social stigma,” lokiikol noted.

Umm, OK, well, I agree with the general premise, just maybe not so much the specific example. I think all women’s head adornments, hats etcetera, are just plain stupid on women, and probably worse on men. But that comes down to a matter of fashion and individual taste. A cowboy hat, or a fedora, those are about the only two types of hat I would ever consider wearing, I think hats just look stupid, especially on women, and especially women’s hats. But I do agree that women get the option to wear whatever the fuck they feel like wearing, and men are stuck with only “man clothes”. And even when you compare traditionally female clothes to traditional male clothes, the women’s clothing is more diverse. So yeah, essentially I agree with this, men should be more flexible in what they are allowed to wear without  judgment. And after all, isn’t it so weird that men are so restricted in what they can wear without other men passing judgment on them and calling them a fag? I find it odd because snarking other people for what they wear is typically a feminine thing to do to begin with. Seriously, gossiping about what people wear, giving a flying fuck about what people wear, judging people by what they wear, that’s totally a girl thing to do to begin with.

2. Be able to talk about other men being attractive. Kbjami brought up an important point when he wrote: “Talking about how hot Brad Pitt is. I’m not gay but I find Brad Pitt quite attractive. Actually just talking about how attractive males are in general.” We completely agree, men should definitely be able to compliment other men. And Brad Pitt is very attractive.

OK, news flash, you’re gay, or at least bi, and you need to come to grips with that, and learn to be accepting of it.
While I agree men have this homophobic attitude like they are terrified to admit that a guy can be good looking. However mate, there is a strong difference between recognizing that a guy is handsome, versus the adoring, longing, yearning, language you used to describe your “attraction” to Brad Pitt. There’s a difference between being attracted to someone, and recognizing their beauty. And you’re like how “attractive men are in general”. Um, no. Most men are kinda ugly, like apes that are balding all over. But perhaps I am just debating semantics. I can relate to what this guy is saying though. I remember talking with a friend one time about pro-wrestlers and their acting careers. We were talking about which ones had real potential in Hollywood. And I mentioned Triple H would make a good Samson, in the Samson movie that was supposed to be coming out that year (I don’t think the movie ever got made now that I think about it), and we were talking and talking, and I mentioned Randy Orton would be a good choice for whatever role we were discussing, and mentioned the reason is because of his sex appeal. Well saying randy Orten had sex appeal, my friend looks at me and says “dude, what, really? You’re saying Randy Orten is sexy?” So I give him a look, and I say “well yeah, he’s a good looking guy.” And my friend is like, “dude, you’re totally gay.” And I reply with “Oh come on, don’t do this. You know the guy is good looking.” And he’s all laughing and says “No, I don’t find any of those wrestlers good looking, I don’t find men good looking.” To which I had to explain my position and say something like “Well I don’t typically judge men on their looks, and a man’s sex appeal isn’t something I typically notice, but I am capable of looking at two guys, and if there is a severe enough difference in appearance, I can point to the one that’s better looking. I’m not gay, I’m just not blind either for christ sakes.”
And I know a lot of you guys reading this are going to take the position of my friend and say “nope, I can’t tell a good looking guy from an ugly looking guy, because the whole male sex is ugly, because I ain’t no fag.” And for those of you taking that position, look at these two people, and tell me you honestly can’t figure out which one is better looking:

It’s OK, you can admit that one of those guys might not be so ugly as the other guy, and it doesn’t make you gay. And even if you are gay, it doesn’t fucking matter, because you’re sexuality is your business. It is a common thing I see in men, this absolute panic that he or someone else might not be 100% straight. This fear, this phobia, it makes men avoid saying and doing things. And it’s fucking retarded.
But for the record, that guy was talking about Brad in a closet crush kinda way. Not that it matters, but I’m just putting it out there.

3. Order “girly drinks.” “For just once, I’d like to get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can’t order because they’ll be made fun of,” responded Reddit user Dwarf–shortage. We think everyone should be able to drink Flirtinis, Mudslides and Fuzzy Navels — they’re delicious!

While I do not share the same feelings on this, the general concept, I do agree with.
I hate all those god damn tootie fruity drinks. Give me a beer or straight Vodka, that’s my taste. However, your taste may differ, and maybe you want a tootie fruity drink, if so, you should be able to have one of those tootie fruity drinks without getting looked at funny, or having to deal with accusations of unmanliness or homosexuality. I remember there was this video Barbarosa linked to about Herbivores in Japan, and in that video it was mentioned that these men liked to eat pudding, a custom reserved for women. This whole thing is ridiculous, in the west, men get laughed at for ordering some fancy fruity drink in a bar, in the east they get laughed at for eating pudding. I’m sorry, but this is fucking retarded. And as always the double standard applies that women can eat masculine foods, but men can’t eat feminine foods or must totally be a fag, and nothing is worse in life than being a fag because… because… who fucking knows. And I’ve had people give me the Leviticus quotes. And isn’t that lovely, bible thumpers passing judgment on others based on a book they haven’t completely read, and don’t bother to follow any other rules. You ever notice that? Those real preachy types that eat pork, having anal sex with a woman they are not married to, wearing mixed fabric, but then whip out that one quote from Leviticus. You know what I think it comes down to? Laziness. You get some bible thumper who ain’t obeying any of the damn rules of his own religion, he opens up the bible and says “I am going to find at least one of gods rules I can stick to. Oh wait, I found it, thou shalt not have lay layings with a man as he would with a woman, for it is an abomination, yeah I can do that. I can avoid fucking men in the ass. There we have it, the one rule that isn’t an inconvenience to my decadent lifestyle, I shall brand this as the most important of god’s laws, seeing as how fucking men in the ass is probably the one thing I can consistently follow.”
And that’s probably why they are so quick to condemn homosexuality. Those bible thumpers don’t go around shouting “adulterer, adulterer, god hates adulterers”. Why, because they’re probably cheating on their wife. But they can easily yell “faggot, faggot, god hates fags” and be safe in the knowledge that they are at least not breaking that rule.

4. Get treated to a spa day. We can all agree that there are few places more relaxing than a spa. So why is it only socially acceptable for women to attend these heaven-on-earth establishments? Euphuist said that he would love to get a “Mani/pedi, face mask, all that jazz. Colour me intrigued.”

Colour you intrigued? OK that does it, I am not going to a spa, ever!
I don’t want a manicure or a pedicure, or a face mask. What’s the point? Your feet should be covered by your shoes. So who the fuck would see your feet and your toes? Seriously who are you impressing? if your wife or girlfriend even gives a fuck about your nails and toes, you need a better girlfriend or wife. If even one guy friend happens to notice and think highly of your toes and fingernails, he has from that moment on lost the right to bitch at any man any where doing anything unmanly, and he probably finds Brad Pitt attractive.
Even though I have no need for a peti or a mani, as he puts it, and the words “colour me intrigued” would make me take a step back from him, like a valley girl saying “gag me with a spoon” makes me really want to ram a fucking spoon down her throat, all that aside, I have to agree. Guys should be able to go to a spa and get a massage and get face masks and whatever, and there shouldn’t be so much stigma attached to it. In fact, I was honestly unaware that there was any stigma on it to begin with. I just know I never been to a spa, never felt like going.

5. Carry a purse. Emmy_Bee was one of the first to comment: “Not gonna lie. A purse would be hella convenient.” And Riverchimp pointed out some of the exciting things one could carry around in a purse: “Could you imagine how much beer you could fit in a purse? Probably 8 cans. 8 friggin cans! With you all the time!”

Beer? You’re going to carry around beer in a fucking purse? Why? they’ll be all warm and shaken up, and 8 fucking beers is a lot of weight to be carrying around all day. Why not get a small flask of vodka or some other 80 proof beverage. There are only two places in which you need to be drinking beer, your house or in a bar. Neither require your beer to be kept in a purse. If you’re going out in the woods or out in a field to drink with some friends, try bringing a cooler with you. It’ll keep your beer cold and you can put a whole case in there. Or maybe the guy was joking like “golly if males are so homophobic that they think purses are girly, tell them they can carry their beer in it, that’s manly, right? Men drink beer, right?”
Aside from the completely retarded statement of “carry beer in your purse”, I strongly agree with this one. I always wished it was socially acceptable to carry a purse. They are convenient as fuck. Realistic things your average guy could carry in a purse, which is more suitable to be carried in a purse than any other type of carrying bag, would include, your brush or comb, your wallet, your smart phone, your iPod, a book, some flash drives, your cigarettes, a candy bar, a bottle of water in case you get thirsty on a hot summer day. Sometimes you don’t want to pull over and buy a drink, but your throat is dry and has that scratchy feeling, well there ya go, you got a bottle of water. A small memo pad if you don’t have a smart phone to type a message on and save it, you’ll have something to write on if someone tells you something important with precise details that need to be written down. A small flashlight. Think about it, most of the times in your life you’ve needed a flashlight was when you didn’t have one on you, because you didn’t anticipate this being the day you were going to need a flashlight, and you’re not going to carry around one of those small flashlights in your pocket just for the off chance that this happens to be that one day out of the year that you suddenly and unexpectedly need a flash light. But if you had a purse, you’d probably carry one of those little flashlights. Your medications. If you’re going over your friend’s house you could add to that a few movies, and a tooth brush. And if you’re a gun carrier, with a carry conceal permit, you could carry a gun in your purse. They make purses specifically with gun compartments. I bet half you gun owners out there with a carry conceal permit would have made a different gun choice had walking around with a purse on a daily basis been a part of carry style options. How many of you went with a .38 special revolver with a 2 inch barrel because you didn’t want to have to try to conceal a .357 with a 4 inch barrel. And let’s face it, those smaller snub nose 357’s, it’s fine if you’re loading it with 38 specials, but firing actual 357’s out of it is brutal on your wrists. Actually, come to think of it, I don’t even like firing 38’s out of a 2 inch barrel. That additional 2 inches makes a world of difference in how the recoil acts. Anyhow, carrying a purse would have opened up all different gun choices wouldn’t it? Well too bad, our society says men arn’t allowed to carry purses, that’s a female only privilege. And white knight tradcons and just your average redneck or nether ape, are there to reinforce this notion, and scold and shame you with accusations of “fag” if you dare break any of the rules of your artificially constructed male identity. I ain’t saying masculinity is an artificial construct or that gender roles and gender identity are completely fictitious social constructs. No no, I do believe that the masculine and the feminine behaviours, are rooted mostly in biology. However, that doesn’t mean every single aspect our current day masculine identity is rock solid biologically driven. Some of this shit, a lot of this shit actually, is an artificial social construct that evolves within our ever changing society. When you think about things like bell bottoms, and the greasers in the 1950’s slicking their hair back, and the afros in the 1970, things like tootie fruity drinks being feminine, and purses are feminine, and certain colors are feminine, and pudding is feminine, certain foods and beverages being off limits to men less they be branded as sissies and fags, you can’t tell me these momentary fashion Faux pas are scripted into our DNA.
Think about it. What the serious fuck is wrong with a guy carrying a purse?
Let me share with you, an unlikely, but not impossible future. One day, having straight, clean white teeth is what men value in women, thus straight white teeth is “feminine”. Men forgo dental work, and even good dental hygiene practices, because getting braces is for fags. Getting your teeth cleaned by a dentist is a sissy thing to do like getting a mani/pedi at a spa. The more rougher brutes might even pick a fight with you if they catch you smiling and they see how white and straight and healthy your teeth are. They might think you’re a real pretty boy, some fag who’s teeth are all white and shiny because you been sucking cock. your teeth are pearly white because you been drinking some pearly white from your boyfriends cock. These sorts of vulgar jokes and teasing and maybe even physical violence, all because you wanted to have nice teeth, which is obviously a feminine thing. This probably won’t be in our future, but it easily could. Look at all the bizarre body modifications that are normal in our culture and in others. Those Africans with the plates in their lips, or the burmese women with the long necks because they have metal rings around their neck which deforms them. Contrary to popular belief, their necks don’t grow long, their shoulders get pushed down. Anyhow, when you take a look at all the weird gender roles, and all of the weird body modification rituals to conform to artificially created social norms, is it really hard to believe men, 50 or 60 years from now, will be missing half their teeth, walking around with brown crooked  jack-o-lantern teeth,  because they all have themselves convinced it is gay, it is feminine, to have dental work, or to take care of their teeth.
Do you see the harm that comes from gender based fashion trends, which we often call “gender norms”.

6. Dance like no one’s watching. Sadly, rigid gender roles even follow men to the dance floor. As Charbok wrote, “When I get drunk I love to dance like a girl. I’m a big fan of twerking. I also like to dance with my arms up, like in a girly way.”

Again, this is one of those things where I can relate to the concept… in theory. But I personally just…. no, seriously not for me. I hate dancing, I don’t dance, I think dancing is stupid. However, just because I don’t like dancing, doesn’t give me the right to pass judgment on others. Though I am drawing the line at twerking. If you are a man, and you want to twerk, there is something seriously wrong with you. If you are a woman, and you want to twerk, there is something seriously wrong with you. Twerking isn’t a thing you do when you want to dance, it’s the thing you do after taking a dump, and you forgot the toilet paper, and you’re trying to shake it off. Twerking is nasty. And ain’t nothing in this world says “I am a low class cum guzzling whore with no self respect” like twerking. Hell, if you are a prostitute sucking cock for cash, I can at least believe you were once a decent lady who hit a downward spiral with drugs. And one day you can find jesus, find rehab, get cleaned up, and be a decent woman again. Probably not true, but it could be. If you’re twerking on youtube for attention… fucking forget about it, you’re just a low life. And this guy wants to twerk? I think you can guess my opinion of him. It’s rather hard from me to agree with this one, because dancing is just stupid. But at the same time, I have no moral or ideological gripe against men dancing feminine. And my personal taste in things should not really act as any kind of moral compass for others to live by. So reluctantly, I do agree with this. Men should be able to dance any fucking way they want. But no one should be twerking, period.

7. Wear makeup. Although the politics of beauty culture are quite complicated, and no one should feel compelled to wear makeup all the time, it can be a really fun way to express oneself. Unfortunately, men rarely have the option of wearing makeup without judgment. As RamsesThePigeon noted, “I’m a decent-looking guy, but a little eyeliner and some foundation could still work wonders for me.”

Umm, while the idea of guys wearing makeup is kinda weird in my opinion, and the first thing it makes me think of is the always-offended hypersensitive erratic dramatic transgenders on Tumblr screaming with caps-lock-of-fury that not everyone in society will play along with their delusions of being a girl. In spite of that image that comes to mind, I think it would be beneficial to men if they could get away with wearing makeup without social ridicule. On one hand, I think about all the guys I ever seen in real life, men who weren’t movie stars or rock stars, who wore any kind of makeup. And the fact I have never liked any of them. Whiny snotty emo punks who blog all day about being cyber bullied. It’s like they all say “boo hoo, someone didn’t show me the love and respect my parents assured me I am worthy of, stop the bullying, stop the hate, accept me for who I am, I’m special damn it, Mommy says so”. And I just really fucking hate these people. Or the pretentious goth kids. I kinda like the gothic style though. Too bad the gothic subculture was devoured by the emo and scene kids, and all the cool goths of the 1980’s and 90’s grew up, cut their hair, took off their black fingernail polish, and now have jobs as telemarketers brown nosing their bosses. God the outcome of the 90’s goths is sad. But anyhow, I can see young men with acne, embarrassed and ashamed, wishing they could cover up their pimples with foundation, but knowing people can spot the fact he is wearing makeup, and he would be ridiculed and embarrassed less if he just let his nasty pimples get noticed than to be a fag wearing makeup. Yet girls covering up their pimples with tons of makeup is the norm.
All though, personally, I am just against makeup in general. It seems to me, no matter what sex you are, makeup is a type of paint on mask to give the world a false impression of who you are. So I’m not completely sure about this one. But I do see “some” advantage to men being able to wear makeup without ridicule.
And again, I need to point out that the notion that makeup is for girls is a modern day social trend; not some evolutionary biological trait. Think of the warriors who went into battle with face paint (a type of makeup) and think about the founding fathers of America who were wearing wig powder, or whatever that pale white shit was all over their faces while signing the declaration of independence. Our founding fathers were wearing makeup.

8. Get pampered by women. Chivalry and tradition teach young men they should buy meals and movie tickets, but many responded that they would like to be wined and dined once in awhile. We agree with kbjami on this one, “I also love flowers and think girls should also buy men flowers.” While no one — man or woman — enjoys being ditched after a drink, Radiationshield had a point when he wrote: “Get a girl to pay for my drink, then disappear like a phantom in the night.”

OK, first off, when girls accept drinks from a guy and then split, it’s low class. If a guy does it, it’s still low class.
Secondly, how many men honestly want flowers? Not only is it weird you want women to buy you flowers, it’s embarrassing pussy begging behavior when men buy women flowers. It’s a total mangina thing to do. No one needs to be buying anyone flowers, or anything really. And anyone, male or female, that wants members of the opposite sex to buy them things to earn approval, is some seriously selfish insecurity driven narcissistic shit. I mean, you just fucking wreak of insecurity when you need people to validate your worth through praise and gifts. And it makes you a narcissistic fuck wad when you actually expect people to do it. This is true for women, and it’s also true for men.
And lastly, it is not tradition and chivalry that coax men into buying shit for women, it is the prostitute nature of women that before gaining access to their almighty pussy, a man must make a sacrifice or part with material wealth. For a woman, spreading her legs is a business negotiation. And yes, I know not all women are like that. But it tends to be a rather common underlying theme with them in general.

9. Wear yoga pants. Baseballwiz definitely said it best: “Wear yoga pants. I’ve worn them in private before. it feels like kittens hugging your legs.”

Um, what? Dude, really? it feels like kittens hugging your legs. Who the fuck says that? I don’t even know what the fuck yoga pants are, but hearing that it feels like kittens hugging my legs, no thanks. But, I do agree with the general premise, which has already been covered, that men are stuck with traditional “boys clothes” which are rather limited in diversity, and girls can wear any damn thing they want. And this is stupid. and we do need to give men a little more room to experiment with clothes. Right now you have a few different styles, and the most common is the suit and tie, which makes the male of the human species look like a fucking penguin. I’m serious, a typical business suit is about as embarrassingly stupid looking as a guy in drag. The difference is it’s “normal” so no one stops to think about the fact it makes you look like you are wearing a penguin halloween costume. And ties, what the fuck is a tie, a piece of cloth you wear around your neck like you’re suicidal and you’re going to hang yourself. It’s something I’d expect the fucking emo kids to wear, not grown adults who apparently look “dignified”. And I want everyone to take a moment to think about how the most respected and dignified men on earth, are actually dressed embarrassingly comical. Really think about how fucking ridiculous the suit and tie is. Now realize something, all the weird fashion trends these men are going on about, wanting to wear makeup and women’s hats, and yoga pants, realize that shit only seems weird and laughable, simply because it is not currently the norm. All the while, that which is the norm, and is dignified and manly, is actually pretty fucking childish and silly. But again, we don’t notice how silly a suit and tie is, because we have been programmed to believe it is dignified and upstanding. And the rebellious fucker in me says we need to start breaking some of these norms and laughing at them. But no, kittens hugging my legs, no thanks.

10. Have fun with one’s children without being judged. Chairforceveteran put it perfectly when he wrote: When walking through a parking lot, holding my daughter’s hand, we usually skip. I get the dirty looks from men and women alike. I’m making my kid happy, why so much hate? Also, when my oldest was 4 ish, she asked me to wear a headband with kitty ears so we would match. We went to iHop and a dude would not stop staring at me.

OK, this one is actually a case of misandry. The hate isn’t males who are insecure with their masculinity (whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean). The problem here is society having this view that males getting any where near children is suspicious. It’s suspicious because, well we all know men are just rape machines. It’s practically all men do, drink beer, rape women, molest kids, and beat their wives. Hell, that’s practically every detail you need to know about the male sex from A to Z. Or at least that’s what feminism tells us, and it’s the lie that our society swallows. So I agree 100% with this guy. But it’s also a miscategorization, our cultural misandry is the problem, not gender norms and homophobia etcetera.

11. Be able to show emotion without being labeled as gay or a “pussy.” Whether it was crying over a sad movie or simply relating to a guy friend, an overwhelming amount of respondents felt they couldn’t be openly emotional or sensitive without some sort of backlash. “Sometimes if I’m upset I wish I could just cry and not feel bad about it,” Thee_Gonz admitted. If this isn’t proof that strict gender roles hurt men, we don’t know what is.

Sorry but I completely disagree with this one. I mean, of course, if you’re standing over your child who just died in the hospital, you’re going to break down and cry, and no one is going to judge you.
Remember when you were a child and you started crying over something silly. And you just kept blubbering on and on, and your parent told you that you’re a big boy, and big boys don’t cry, and that you shouldn’t be crying. Well it was right of them to do this. No one likes a cry baby.
The problem here is not that men are expected to have good emotional regulation, and be strong, and adult; it’s that women get the pussy pass and we as a society tolerate it from them. If something really major is wrong, people of course are going to be upset, distracted, maybe even have to excuse themselves and cry. But the way women do it, just breaking down and crying over every little argument or disappointment like a child, and everyone coming to her rescue to comfort her with a “there there, it’s OK”. This is bullshit, if you are a grown woman, act like it. Act like an adult. Adult men and adult women both need to be mature, and have emotional self control within reason. People who whine and cry and break down all the time are emotional wrecks, they’re weak, and they’re obnoxious. People who are overly emotional, where every day is an emotional roller coaster for them, tend to be unstable people. It is indicative of an erratic dramatic personality disorder such as narcissistic, borderline, and histrionic. People who are emotional roller coasters, I avoid them like the plague. The social expectation that you be strong and in control of yourself like an adult, is a good expectation, and we need to not permit females to be exempt from this. So again, I don’t think we should be a society of overly emotional drama queens, we should be a strong society.